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Sunday, February 24, 2013
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Sunday, July 25, 2010
The things in the past were so easy, a single life, a single person, i could do what i want, i could eat whatever I wanted to. Now i have a family - wife, kids. life has taken a turn for the better.
I sit here thinking what I can write and nothing comes to mind. My mind is blank....very blank
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
something we are always running after - love. when we get it we are the most happy people on this earth and when we loose it we are the saddest. why?
why love is one emotion we seem to have no control over. how we feel before, during or after love. there is no explanation.
when we have it we feel no one can understand how we feel and when we loose it we still think no one can understand it. yet all of us go through the same feelings. if i got a room full of people and asked each one of them how they felt when in love and when they lost it they would have the same stories to tell. yet we want to believe that our situation is unique. we want to feel we are an individual in this crowded world.
one thing i have found common on all people who lost love is the need for a closure. if only he would love someone else, if only he would through away all my gifts to him, if only i can love someone else, if only.....I will have that closure. yet it never comes. we spend minutes, days, years waiting for that closure to come.
loosing love is loosing a part of the soul. i sympathize with anyone and everyone who has lost it. but i have no love lost for people looking for that closure. cause closure comes from within not from someone else...you fell in love with that person and now it's ur responsibility to fall out of love too.
a girl i know waited for 3 years looking for the closure. one kiss she had asked of him. that one kiss. she hated him, she wanted to erase every memory of him but still waited for the closure.
someone once told me to marry the girl who loved me the most since it's not who I love but who loves me. that way i will have love in my life always. what about the girl. wouldn't she want the same love. how long do you think she can hold on to that love if she doesn't get it back in return.
it's wonderful that you can make someone feel loved but it has no meaning unless the person makes u feel loved to.
over the years i have heard so many reasons for people moving on. the one that gets me is when someone wants to leave cause they think they are not good enough for the person they love. come one people get a spine. if a girl loved you is cause of who you are. if you were any better or worse she wouldn't be in love with you. and who are you to judge if you are good enough for her. did you ask her, did she tell you that you are not good enough. you are going to have differences that that is what makes the relationship worth it.
i would rather be stranded in an island with a doctor than with a computer geek. i am one and what good am i in a deserted island.
having said that i don't want someone who is different either.
but coming back to moving on - stop looking for closure, stop looking for excuses. when you didn't ask why he loved me, stop asking why he stopped loving me. he did and that should be good enough. move on. find someone who can make you feel loved and who you can love.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Where companions seem distant
Where longing belongs
With hope still constant
Scared and shrinking
My heart I see
Who will I be
A beacon of hope
A story untold
A friend for life
Or lonely and quiet
Why do I look for joy around
When I know peace lies within
Am I right or am I wrong
To think and believe that I am strong
Sharing and caring
Forgiving and forgetting
Loving and smiling
A shoulder to cry
To sense I belong
A challenge to crack
Is all I ask
A friend who will hug
A conversation forthcoming
A smile ready to embrace
Keeps me going
A kid in me beams and says
Everyday is a new beginning
Hold your head high and march along
The sun will shine today and carry you far
All I do is run along
Hoping against hope to work it all
Painting a picture of endless possibilities
Of joy and dreams and undying trust
--Anonymous (means that i know but will not tell)
Sunday, September 07, 2008
life has not been the same for a while. with every passing day things change for better or worse.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
of all the strange things in life i think the most strangest relationship is friendship. there is no guarantee how it will start and where it will lead to. i remember my very first best friend became my friend so that i would not snitch on him after he beat the crap out of me in 5th grade. and now though i can beat the crap out of him (justice from god) the friendship has survived 2 continents, 3 years of no contact. but we are not here to talk about that friendship. we are here for something different. a very different kind of friendship that started while waiting for a bus in high school.
every morning started with the same anticipation of meeting her at the stop and spending those precious few minutes talking to her. the strange thing was we never talked about anything in particular. just random conversations. there was no attachment either. just random conversations. and when we got on the bus, we went our own way. 10 minutes and nothing more.
that is what is strange about friendship. you don't need nothing to start it and nothing to keep it going. 10 years on we have become very good friends and it is still those very random converstations. whenever i talk to her, it is just magic. i remember the final days of high school, i met her outside the school, she was upset and when she saw me she started crying. that is the kind of friendship we shared in those 10 minutes. funny thing, we never met outside of the bus stop. the evenings on the way back from school. those 5 minute walks were magical. we lived in the same neighborhood. and yet we never met outside of the bus stop. 3 years later she moved to states for her higher education and before she left i met her once.
we never write to each other, we never chat and we hardly talk to each other but the relationship is special.
friendship is magical. the other day i was talking to her and she told me how during those high school days her friends kept telling her , i had something for her. that i was in love with her. crazy huh. i was having my own share of hormonal issues but trust me she was not part of it. she was just a special person at the bus stop that i looked forward to talking to everyday. the day she would not come would end up being the longest day. but it was not for being in love with her. it was for she made life so normal. talking to her made me think nothing mattered. things were so ordinary. we were not talking abt failed relationships, crushes or any of those high school drama. we were talking abt the weather, as if that is the only thing that mattered.
life would be wonderful and everything would take care of itself in those 10 minutes. it was one friendship that just happened. to till date i don't know much abt her and she doesn't know anything abt me. but when we talk the weather is wonderful and like takes care of itself for that 10 minutes.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Seriously, this is crazy. I am not being able to write anything that I want. This has never happened before. I always have something to talk and say about.
Trust is really important and any moron will tell you that and all of them say so too. But I was talking to this person on the phone the other day and she made a strange point which got me thinking. What does trust mean and how much are we willing to bet on it. I have said this before, in life all I want from my girl is that I can trust her and have a five minute conversation with her. And I never really understood why I thought that until yesterday. If you can trust someone, you automatically close your mind from all possibility of deceit and that means one less person to worry about in your life. And if you have to worry about trusting the person you are spending your life with, that is not a pretty thing. Believe me it is not.
You are walking down a street and you stop to ask for directions. What happens? Somebody gives you one. If you reach your destination you forget about the person but if you do not make it you start cursing the person. You tell ten of your other friends what a jerk that person was. You don’t forget the person for a long time. See how easy it is to just trust someone and not worry about it then not trust someone and then think about it for the rest of your life. Relationships are like these two people giving directions to the destination of your life. It is so very important to be able to trust the person so that we can listen to them.
Whenever we make contact with a new person, we start with some kind of trust. Now it’s up to the two people involved either to confirm the trust or to break it. But it’s all in our hands to do it. Life is difficult and people around us can either make it easier or difficult for us. But let me take a minute and say something here. To save the trust one person, you should be careful not to break the trust of someone else. Recently someone did that to me and it was not pretty. Life is full of surprises and you don’t want to loose one friend to make another one. Each one in your life are special and they should remain the same. Don’t ever compromise the trust of one friend to gain the trust of the other. It is not worth it. No one likes it. You won’t like it either if that happens to you.
Well I so wanted to tell this story that I lost the chain of my thought.
But this summer has been simply amazing. I met so many people. Goodbyes are always so difficult.
Oh yeah I got it. Trust right. It’s so random. I met this random girl, really random, out of the blue and we started talking, within an hour we were talking about our life, about my life, about her life. I looked into her eyes and all I wanted to do was trust her. It was so easy. I just wish it would/could mean more ………
It’s so easy to get caught up with major things in life that we forget that there are other things that matter. Trying to plan for a life time they forget to plan for the moment. Someone once told me, “Smile when you answer the phone, the person across can hear your smile.” And I believe that.
People get caught up in their career, in their relationships, in so many things that they stop paying attention to smaller things. I have an angel I talk to, she is 5 years old and whenever I call her up, she brightens up my day. Why is that, cause she is innocent. So innocent that I know whatever I tell her, she is not going to be biased. I am tired of biased opinion from people. I talk to a friend and he will tell me things that I want to hear cause he is my friend. But this angel, she tells me what she things, no strings attached. Aren’t we just complicating our lives with all the things that we do. With more people that become part of our life, the more complicated it becomes, and then it is no longer about me and my life, it’s about so many other things.
Isn’t it simple when it’s just about me. I mind sound obnoxious but look at the life of a 2 year old. He only cares about himself, it’s always about him, if he is hungry, he will cry, if he is lonely he will cry, if he wants to play he will cry. He doesn’t care how much difficult it is for you or me, for him it’s simple, “I am uncomfortable here, do something to make me happy”. There you go, no strings attached.
I want people around me I can trust and who in turn can trust me. Oh yeah that reminds me about this conversation I had with a friend about trust and friendship. According to her she would never ever talk to a person.